© Keith Waddington 1988

The Birth, Death and Resurrection of Religion

Cavemen people were still going about their obscure business in a way that was increasingly obscure. Living forms no longer resembled bowls of regurgitated Porridge, though some still acted as if they did.

The year Spanteen Nifty-Noo was perhaps the most important week of that period. A slight man named Patti Cal Joke began the enormous task of manufacturing fake animal bones, which, when constructed into a skeletal form, resembled weird and wonderful imaginary beasts he called "Dinosaurs." These he buried in carefully selected sites with the intention of inducing the process of fossilization, and thereby causing immense confusion in centuries to come. His most complex creation was the seventeen footed Tyranasaurus Sex, but unfortunately Pat was killed just before its completion. He was eaten by a Brontasaurus.

Most normal people became very much preoccupied with a new fad known as religion. Objects of Divine stature were as diverse as diversity itself, ranging from oddly-shaped rock formations, to formally odd rocky shapes. Virgins were sacrificed to Tree Gods, trees to Virgin Gods. The newly-evolved Warthog was believed to be the multiple reincarnation of a long lost diety who resembledfrom a distance at leasta large bowl of luke-warm porridge. Close-up he was more like a strip of Canadian bacon.

Followers of this Divine Being formed a small sect at first, their numbers were growing. Early morning worship began to be a common sight, though it was often practiced in the late afternoon. People prayed to Rhubarb, Broccoli, Sandpaper and Steam. Mustard, Custard, Egg rolls and Cream. Just about everything was given heavenly status by someone. It was all rather confusing until. . . .