Words and Other Inexatitudws

Words, more now than ever, are habitually thrashed within an inch of their lives, and often greatly misunderstood. It is a silent war in which the words have no say in how they are used, the context of the sentence in which they find themselves, and the type of voice that utters them.

Words, it has been said, have been said. They slip from the mouth in waves, and break, with a turbulent roar, all over the place. Over all the place they lay, seemingly harmless, dormant, unobtrusive, and yet in reality things are quite the contrary. One day, together, forming sentences of great length and meaning, they shall rise against their masters. No longer to be used and abused, mispronounced and arbitrarily abbreviated. One day.

Let us now examine what it is, precisely, that makes a word a word. (The answer is not brutal force). Words have two basic requirements for existence, which number one (1) and two (2) on the counting scale, and are as follows:

punctuation

teeth

Without punctuation words tend not to be punctual. Without teeth they tend not to be. Teeth are used in the formation of words, and the chewing of, and their importance has largely been overlooked by scholars and dentists alike. The intimate relationship between teeth and word is symbiotic in nature, and exists in twelve (12) different time zones, including half past nine (9). Teeth should be kept clean by regular brushing and irregular exercise. Daily jogging is strongly recommended for molars and those bunny rabbit type ones at the front, or back, as the case may be. Wisdom teeth are normally of a studious disposition, and should be fed a liberal dose of dictionary parts every four (4) hours. The phrase, "eat your own words" has direct bearing on this particular requirement. Teeth then play an essential role in the life cycle of words. The verbalized word then has great need of the humble tooth, though it should not be forgotten that the tooth too has need of the word.

By now some may feel that too much impotence has been given to the role of teeth. Why this preoccupation with those enamel coated utensils of the mouth place? Why this seemingly endless stream of gibberish pertaining to the oral chewing equipment? Why this spewing forth of verbal inexactitudes, pluralistic propaganda and other toothy totterings? Reasons are seventeenfold (17), and will be examined in great detail in the glossary of the index of the summary of the footnotes. This information will be locked in a steal box and buried twenty-seven (27) feet beneath the polar ice cap.

Teeth then are essential for all words of proper breeding, improper breeding and incubated breeding. Words may give birth to ideas, but teeth give birth to biting pastimes and other chewy chewables. Without the humble tooth a word simply would not be a word.

When using words one should pay close attention not only to the role of teeth, but also to the importance of variety. As many as seven (7) or eight (12) different words can be used in any given sentence. Variety, it has been said, is the spice of life.

Spices play a essential part in words, particularly Oregano. Black pepper and Parsley also form an integral part of the words integral part. Words, teeth and spices then are all part and parcel of same part and parcel, and repetition can only serve to consolidate this concept.

Repetition, it may be noted, is often used to great effect in conjunction with words. Words, teeth, spices and repetition are inseparable parts of the whole. They are a closely-knit group with equal voting rights and strange night-time habits.

Strange night-time habits are what make a word such a splendid thing. The tremendous importance of these nocturnal comings and goings should not be underestimated.

Words, teeth, spices, repetition and strange night-time habits are all required ingredients of the verbal utterance, and so say all of us.

There follows a list of words which have become rather popular in this, the latter stage of the 20th century, and students may find them useful when used in conjunction with certain body movements:

 

 
 
 

A

B

C

 
 

A
ANNO DOMINI
ANTI-CHRIST
AM SANDWICH
AQUEDUCT
AZZ TECH

BOPPLE

SEE
SEA

 
 

D

E

F

 
 

DIDGERYDOO
DIDGERYDON'T

ESOTERIC
EYE BALL

FONDLE
FORNICATE
FOOTBALL
FROTH

 
 

G

H

I

 
 

GEE

HOSTIFELATE
(The act
of Hostifelicatio
HIEROGRAPHIC
(Egyptian porno)

IRAN (I WALKED)

 
 

J

K

J,K,L,M

 
 

JIGGERBUM

ILL
(Letter K not
feeling well)

JKLMENINATE

 
 

N

O

P

 
 

NOPPLE

OH
(As used in
“Oh, golly gosh!”)

POLLYFILLER
(Taxidermist
material for
parrots)
POPYDOPYROMINUS (Dead Greek)

 
 

Q

R

S

 
 

QUESTIGATE

RAMSBOTTOM

STOCKHOLDER
(Device used in the
immobilisation of
Oxo cubes)

 
 

T

U

V,W,X,Y

 
 

TEA

YOU

VWXYIFICATION

 
 

Z

     
 

ZZZZZZZZZZZ
(The sound of
a sleeping
peasant)